Tuesday, September 23, 2014

toxic parents-susan forward phd

Read about it in last last Sunday's paper.  Last last Monday I started looking for it at the libraries.  Found one in SV  and another SCity.  Picked up SV last Saturday, and SCity on Sunday with St Justin lunch.  Read it all by Sunday.  I have yet to do the exercises.

I find it interesting that some of the exercises I've already done on my own.  

Go Figure.  I finally watched Nurse Betty in its entirety.  1999.  Dad's last six months was such hell for me.  A torturing us all.  Not being able to sleep with his wandering and waking me up.  Trying to work to pay bills.  

The week he died getting no sleep because A insisted on me taking him to her chiropractor (that she'd never been to in south san jose) on a Tuesday, listening to him cry and complain, begging for Vicodin.   My chiropractor that I'd seen on a regular basis in Santa Clara wasn't good enough for her diabolical plans.  Then her insisting I take him Thursday because the chiro was going on vacation.  I refused so she guilted Mit into taking him so Mit would say Mit killed him.  He died that Sunday in Kaiser.

Weird how I didn't know this writing would come out like this.  I kept seeing parts of the movie and couldn't wrap my head around it.  Then when I tried to find it to watch it I couldn't.  So yesterday (Daily Word freedom) I decided to go to Milpitas Grt Mall and stopped by Northside library and there it was along with other dvds I wanted to watch and the Cricket for Dummies.  

Somehow the movie in 1999 was linked to my discomfort still remaining from then.  

Unconsciously I chose the time frame to release the remainder of my pain, grief and anger about Sunday, September 5, 1999.


Thursday, August 14, 2014

Doing more now and enjoying it more!

This is the most I've done for the longest continuous number of days.  From Monday the 4th I drove CJ to Fremont, Tuesday Campbell library, Saturday Northside library opening, Sunday Main library, Monday ,Tuesday PGE meeting, Wednesday movie TMNT in 3D dinner at TD's, And today's the 14th.


It's been 14 years. 


And what do I Want To Do?  Been watching 3rd Rock from the Sun. 



Friday, August 8, 2014

united states of autism-dvd

And more is being revealed.  Raun K. Kaufman is in the movie.  Sonrise, by his dad Barry S. Kaufman. 


Been balancing doing with being.  And winning.  Touch and go at times.  Tomorrow St. Nicholas rummage. 


Missed Los Altos United Methodist in May.

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

asperger day 8*4*14 w/CJ

Cj insisted I not cancel Sr. lunch so I drove directly.  12 miles half hour.  Then I drove his car to Newark and thought of my past.  (googled Dr. Woo no results.)

Such a great day.  Toured through Fremont to Thrifttown and had lovely time looking.  Ate pizza at Bronco Billy's.  Yeeha!  By the time we finished we decided to lay low from the traffic at Saver's Milpitas.  Avoided traffic and the toll on 237.  Arrived Los Altos 6:30, home by 7.

And this morning, Great!!!

Forgot smokes so very add.  Bought some Walgreen's Fremont.

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Free Lunch 7*27*14 Sunday-St Justin

To my way of thinking everything can be free.  Everything is energy.  The sun is free. 

Friday, July 25, 2014

90* day HOT-HOT-HOT

Yesterday and today staying in the cool at seniors.  I'm amazed when I consider how sick I was and how badly I felt.  How limited I was.



My life has improved.  And I'm learning how to keep my energy by not feeling responsible for others.



Gil keeps asking me to dinner and movie but when I say ok he hems and haws.  He spends all this attention on his face and how he appears, none on the rest of him.



I'm learning.
Typical alcoholic commitmentphobic behavior to act like needy puppy.  Too close too soon and then fear filled and avoidance.  Pushing, intruding, forcing the other person to delineate boundaries to make them feel guilty to manipulate them.  All an act.  None of it reality. 


Acting GOOFY and on drugs and denying. 


Need for attention and then pulling away, broken promises.  Blaming his behavior on the other person.  His calling 5 times in one day to say hi.  Like Arlene.  Ridiculous.  Riddick-ulous.


Forcing other people to react to them making them feel in control. 



Tuesday, July 1, 2014

HERE I AM 7*1**14 TUESDAY

I watched Frozen dvd, $anta, Chase cash.  Still very hot.  Unless the wind picks up it will be in the 90's again. 


Spent the whole, entire day here at the Sr. Ctr.  Went home in time for Xwords.  Tried out spaghetti sauce last night and bought more today.  Same with toilet cleaner. 


Didn't go to Savers half off sale yesterday.  Chose not to go.  I'm very satisfied with my hematite bracelets from last Fri.